Happiness, Will You Marry Me?

To get joy, we must give it and to keep joy, we must scatter it. ~ John Templeton

Happiness is a fleeting emotion. Happiness, is also hard work to keep around. There are a lot of unhappy people around in the world, and they would like for others to join their ranks. Like the old saying, misery loves company.

I think it's safe to say that the world is going through dark times. Arguably dark enough to say that they might just be darker than the dark ages themselves. Nevertheless, in this world, trying to be happy is so tough. In fact, it's hard work. With messages, of people saying that we are responsible for other people's happiness, bills to pay, rude people, it seems how does one even try to be happy.

People aside, it can be a challenge to control our emotions. Like a wild stallion, it goes where it wants, and seems to resent any form of constraint. However, it may resent being reined in, so to speak, they have to be reined in, less they destroy oneself altogether, if not others too.

Being happy is a conscious effort. It's not something that you just hope for and it happens all by itself. No, it is not like the newspaper that is thrown on your lawn every week. Happiness must be nurtured, carefully.

There is “feral” happiness, in the ideal that things out of our control make us happy. Mayhap, it being a turn of events that happened to our pleasure, or something like that. However, the problem with this “feral” happiness, is that it's not steady. Meaning, that we are only happy now and a then. Besides, it being out of our control.

Artificial happiness. Have you ever seen a hydroponics farm? A perfect place for plants to grow. You can create a place like that. You just hide from the world think happy thoughts, and stick your head in the ground. While quite a reliable method, ignorance is bliss is not really the best policy, especially what you can't see will very well and most likely kill you.

So, how do you have happiness? To be honest, you cannot ever really be happy. Why? For the reason that happiness is based on your surroundings. Furthermore, the people we see around us, that seem happy, rarely are they happy.

However, while that might seem all depressing, it isn't. For the real truth is, you cannot rely on happiness. You have to rely on joy. Joy is not based on it's surroundings, but rather what someone chooses to have inside of them.

It's not easy. It's like a boat in a storm. However, it gets easier with practice. The first step really, is noting whether you are joyful. Followed by that, it's removing things that are hindering that joy. Sometimes, we cannot remove them, so you release them through an outlet. Some people sing it out, play it out with an instrument, or pat it out with a pet. (Patting pets is actually proven scientifically to relieve stress). Whatever you choose, things that hinders should be removed. For once removed, joy has a better chance of staying, and usually half of the battle is fought.

Being joyful is a choice, one that we must choose every day. While it might seem absurd. It is only as absurd, as not trying to be happy or joyful everyday. When we are joyful, we do things better, we are better people. Really we cannot afford to not be joyful beings. Although some fake it till they make it, sometimes, we have to come to grips why we are unhappy and face it down. It's hard, we may not feel like joy is anywhere remotely possible or right for the moment, but it is always. For when things are at it's darkest, the greatest opposite is needed to counteract.

A Quick Thought: Love Crime

 Just a quick thought, people say that love is a crime in places. When they say this, they refer to the gay agenda and same-sex-marriage not being allowed. However, while some countries might not allow same-sex-marriage. People are always free to love each other.

In fact, they are even allowed to carry on their relationship as they please, but they just aren't allowed to marry. So really, it's not very accurate that love is crime, because people can always love each other, no one can stop that. The only people who can stop love is ourselves.

Also, interestingly enough, Ambrose Bierce talks about love in which he describes it as: Love, a temporary insanity curable by marriage." So ironically, the countries that don't allow "love" to bloom, are really just preserving it. For as most people know, marriage, is usually when the kisses and flowers stop.

The Magic Of The Attractive

It's not what you look at that matters, it's what you see. ~ Henry David Thoreau

Have you ever wondered why people who seem to have made it, are always good looking and successful? It just seems a bit unfair. However, the reason they are successful, is not because they are good looking but rather something different altogether.

There is an old joke, a man puts on his lawn, "free fridge". No one takes it. So he puts, “for sale for a hundred dollars”. Next day it's stolen.

Perception is so important, the only thing that separate us from success is really perception. With successful and good looking people, they have positioned themselves so that they can be desired, sought after, and seen.While it might seem that they are able to do that because they are attractive, it's actually because they have confidence. Whether their confidence comes from their looks or something else, this confidence, makes them puts themselves in positions for success.

If you believe you couldn't win a race you would most likely not run it, would you? Yes, while people might race for other reasons, most people race to win. Likewise, if people don't believe they can do things, they will not try. However, with attractive people, they put themselves in the spotlight, because they believe they are desired, and thus have a chance.

The reason people are popular and good looking is not mainly because they are good looking, but rather they believe that they are good looking and thus believe they are worth something. If someone does not believe they are good looking or worth anything they will not look after what they do not believe to have worth.

 You do not look after a garbage can because it is worthless. No one will steal a garbage can, and no one will shine a garbage can. However, if you have diamond, you put it on velvet. Ultimately, they are just both objects, the only difference is how people perceive it.

So when you look at someone who seems to be successful and attractive, know this, it's not really that they are attractive, but their belief that people wanted them. There are a lot of attractive people out there, but because they don't think themselves valuable, they don't look after themselves. Feeling this way, they don't look after themselves, so they don't look attractive. Their belief of themselves sabotage their looks and their success.

At the end of the day, there are many good looking people out there, but what separates them from people who seem to be good looking and successful, is the belief of how they perceive themselves. A lot of people could be successful and attractive, but they don't believe that they can.There is no magic in being good looking and successful. It's just a matter of the belief that fuels the actions and reactions in ourselves and others.

Another Health

 Mental health problems do not affect three or four out of every five persons, but one out of one. Karl A. Menninger 

Someone once said, crazy is the new black, that would be true. However, being crazy may be common and it is an issue that people tackle, but it's not something to be desired.

We live in an insane world metaphorically and physically. In most countries the mentally troubled walk the streets. Our work lives, our lives in general are busy, and they just seem so crazy. To the extent that one could say that our lives feel insanely busy. Our lives have been like that for quite some time, that there even was a book written years ago that talked about getting out of the maddening crowd.

Nevertheless, mental issues seem to be on the rise, whether it be in song lyrics or our actual lives. That is not to bring fear, but it's something that people will have to know how to react to it. We have to get comfortable with it, as fixing other parts of our body. To the very extent, we know how awkward things can be or uncomfortable.

However, one of the major problems or issues with mental health is that, having a broken arm may cause you to hit someone in pain when they reset it or something, but it won't make you believe that you need to kill everyone in the world. While that is a bit exaggerated, it can be something that happens, which is why we have to be careful. Then again, people's perception of mental health is like that, making it harder to talk about as people would feel they would be ostracized.

With mental issues, one could almost say that we all have some issues. Also, it is a matter of perspective. One man/woman's perspective on life may look madness but sanity to another. While that may be so there are real general cases where people need help.

Interestingly enough, some people have used their illness as not as a bane, but a source of amusement and a spot of cash for themselves. Crazy comedians sound rather random, but it happens where comedians who have some mental health issues joke on a stage, and people laugh.

With mental health, or some form of it, one has chosen to be a bit blunt on the issue. Beating around the bush doesn't help anyone, but there is such thing as tact. Howbeit, we have to be more used to the subject as it is part of our lives in some form or manner, so we should speak plainly about it.

A person with a perfectly healthy mental health can have it deteriorate if left alone. Being crazy is not necessarily mental issues, but something we say as a form of speech. However, both are not remotely pleasant. As we look after our health, taking care of one's mind is as important. Being happy with the little craziness in your life, is real, but it's not as serious as the real mental health issues that others go through. 

However, if left alone, your mental health can reach a dire stage. Being sick is never fun, we shouldn't own or love it. It's a problem, but all problems can be fixed and big problems were once small problems. Meaning, that if you can nip something in the bud it's better. Prevention is better than a cure.

These Joes And Janes

The only normal people are the ones you don't know very well ~ Alfred Adler

It’s funny when people say, I wish my life was normal. It’s funny because most people’s lives aren’t really normal. When people think of normal, they think of someone who was raised by two parents, went to school, grew up and now has a job so that they can feed their family. That is technically something what normal is more or less. Just really depending where your life is at that stage of normal.

In life, you cannot have a normal life, because normalcy is just a perception. There is nothing typical or usual about people’s lives. People's lives are either something strange, bad, good, or just down right extraordinary. People don’t have normal lives. Yes, there might be something similar to normality, but when you really compare it, there is nothing normal.

Additionally, since normality is based on perception, what seems normal to you might seem strange or different to someone. One could believe that doing back flips every day, from an acrobatic family is normal, but for others would seem strange. When people talk about normal people they usually aren’t that normal themselves, and they might be looking at you hoping that they were normal as you.

Despite, people seeming to crave normality, it's not really something to long for several reasons. One, if you had a “normal” life, it would be boring. Secondly, “normal” lives don’t exist. Thirdly, there are still problems in a normal life even if they are “normal problems”. Also, wishing is just wishful thinking. Making the best of your “not normal” life is better then doing nothing about it.

Also, if you long for a normal life, you won’t ever do anything about your life, and what you want is probably not normal, but something else. Mayhap it be, routine, in your life or something else to make you feel "normal".

Normal lives, don't exist, and normal lives aren't really what people want. It's a broad statement when people say they want a normal life. Human beings have a habit for longing for things they do not have. However, rarely do people know what they want. In general, if you want something bad enough, you have to do something instead of longing for it. In wanting a normal life, it may really just be a longing for something of an aspect of a normal life, but not really the whole normal package. It’s better to dissect your feelings and ask why you would want something, because you just be surprised in what you really want.

 For sometimes, the things that we want from something, is sometimes just a part. A part so small of that thing we seemly want, that it might as well be the very opposite that we supposedly desire.

More Than Big Kids

Being a grownup means assuming responsibility for yourself, for your children, and - here's the big curve - for your parents. ~ Wendy Wasserstein

When we are young, we look forward to getting older, and when we grow old, we wish we were young. Many people believe that being an adult is just aging physically. However, more is in the process of turning into adulthood, an art which seems to be lost, as much as the real grown ups that used to populate Earth.

When you look around the world, you will probably see a lot of immaturity. It just seems that as the years go by, it takes people more and more years to grow up. As someone once said, people grow old, but it's a choice to grow up.

 One could really go on and on, how people are immature and insecure. However, the point is not to put people down, or a start a groupie that moans and groans about society, but rather to ask a simple question: Where are all the grown ups?

To answer that question, one must ask what does a grown up look like? Well, they are a bit like this: A grown up is someone who is at peace with themselves, they are fully secure in their position, they do not put down others to make themselves feel better and they have a quite confidence all around them. They are beautiful as they are, and ugly as they are not. Their vision is not clouded by what they see, and they can rise above what is petty and not bicker about trivial things with others.

They may act silly, but never frivolous, or foolish. They know who they are, and not what they are. The grown adult is a human being, but most of importantly, the grown up is someone who is working towards being a better grown up. If they take a step backwards, they still try to go forward, and when they die, they gave it their best. They tried to make a better world, by bettering themselves, to make a better place where ever they went.

That ladies and gentlemen, is a small insight of a what a grown up should be. Age, gender, personality, race, can stop no one from being that, ever day we have a choice to work to those ideals. But what begs the question is, do we stay as we are, and grow old, or do we age with grace?

With that in mind, we should take the time to note that, if there were beings such as those listed, the difference between the people of past and people of now. Is that they worked to those ideals, while we tried to find the fountain of youth. To grow old is life and out of our control, but to mature in wisdom is in our best nature. It is better to be adult in an adult's body then a child in an adult's body. For all and one, for those that live with you, and for yourself, who is always with you.

Truth Be Told

Add a few drops of venom to a half truth and you have an absolute truth. ~ Eric Hoffer 

 It's interesting how a lie is only in perspective, while the truth is constant. If someone lies to you, they are not telling what they believe to be truth. However, when someone actually tells you the truth, it is true, whether they believe it to be so or not.

The only thing that separates a lie from someone who isn't lying, is that one believes what they say is to be true, while the other says something that they know not to be true.

This is why you can't always spot a lie, because a lie is only how someone feels about the truth. While a lie might be based on someone telling the truth, the truth is constant. It doesn't matter what they do, the truth will be true. You can lie about the truth, but you can't actually change the truth.

Additionally, it's possible for someone to tell a falsehood and not lie, because a lie means that they are knowingly telling a falsehood. So even if you had a machine or you were the best lie detector in the world, you would never know that they are lying, because they aren't lying. They are telling the truth as they believe it to be.

For instance, we may believe that the world is pulled by gravity. It's the truth as we know it. However, perhaps the real truth was that there was a large bat in the center of the earth and it pulls us to it, and that is the real truth of gravity. Although, that is highly unlikely, if it was so, what we believe about gravity would be untrue, but it wouldn't be lying if you told someone.

To sum it up, the truth will always be there. Whether we have it, or believe that we have the truth, is always questionable. However, it's important to remember that it's not how convincing someone seems that makes something truth, but rather the facts and the logic, that in general make something true.

A Clarification Of Kumbaya

Peace is not unity in similarity but unity in diversity, in the comparison and conciliation of differences. ~ Mikhail Gorbachev

We walked together hand in hand making a better world. However, it got tough when someone wanted to use the bathroom, walking through doors, and especially eating; When your hands are holding other hands. What we did though, was usually just go head first into food or taking turns feeding each other. ~ The logs of someone who took Kumbaya for real.

When people picture a perfect world, they usually imagine a world where the whole of humanity is united as one. While a nice ideal to be united in all, we need people to disagree. Disagreeing is healthy. It doesn't necessarily mean that you hate one another, but you have a difference of opinion. It's good. If everyone agrees swimming with sharks, it would be a very bad day, even if it means that all humanity is united.

Although disagreement can be a good thing, it can sometimes be quite useless. Taking for instance any political system in a country. They have the Left and they have the Right. That's good and it's healthy. The idea is that, they both pull on their sides to create a balance. However, what happens instead, they hate each other. No doubt about it. There is nothing professional in it. So they just attack each other whether either one has a good or bad idea. They attack not for the sake of good sense, but for the sake of attacking. 

This is where having unity would be good.However, having unity to the hilt, is basically a cheap YA novel that people seem to turn out more rapidly than tax cuts. Having unity or Kumbaya is a good idea, but in small amounts is better.

It would be like how you can have different ideas with cars with other people, but you have a united front together that you both agree that running over people is not polite.

People prate about unity, and it is good, but really it's a bit overated. Unity would mean that we would be united together. United in doing the dishes together, united taking out the trash, united in ironing clothes, and so and so forth. We don't need to be united, we only have to agree on a few topics. And really else, we can disagree about everything else as long as we agree on the more important things.

Having unity is a great thing, but like everything it cannot be an extreme. For extremes are dangerous. Too much of a good thing is bad. If we have so much unity we will not have diversity. When people long for things, they are not always really sure what they want. Furthermore, a united world is not something we want, for it is a world that the majority persecute the minority or vice versa.

To sum it up, all we really need is a unity that we can disagree and agree. By this unity, we do not pull out swords and start chopping at each other. We may disagree, but only with words do we battle. Despite that, one is not as naïve as to believe, that humans just communicate with words, but also in deed and action.

Unity may come to the world, but if it does, it will surely be different from what people believe what it should be. Most likely, if unity came, those that long for it would oppose it, as it would not be what they perceive it to be. For unity is not the unification of every field, but the ability to solve things peacefully, so that we do not fracture, or destroy the peace that we enjoy.

 In the mean time though, settling for absolute unity in some topics would probably be all one can ask for now: a policy of quality over quantity. Nevertheless, whether we agree on what we should be united is questionable.

Rules Of Engagement

 To pull off successful attacks in debates, you have to execute with nuance and subtlety. It has to be artful. ~ Mark McKinnon 

When you battle with words against people, there are rules and etiquette to follow. It's a bit like war. There are rules to war, and when people follow it, you make the best of the of a bad situation.

When having an argument, debate, whatever, it's always important to remember that you are not fighting the person, you are not attacking them. Rather what you are doing is discussing with them why you disagree. This has nothing to do with them, except their beliefs and values that you do not agree with. That person wants to go left and you want to go right. Whether or not if his/her decision is correct, you should treat them with respect.

Which brings one to the next point. Name calling does not help in an argument. Rather it destroys all civil conduct most of the time. The proper term is ad hominem, where you strike at someone's character instead of the topic.

Choosing to strike at others while tempting, does not solve the issue at hand and is poor styling of reasoning. Furthermore, it's not a very good habit to have, as it does not make you persuasive, it only makes you as a school yard bully with low intellect. In addition, if you have to persuade someone who is your friend, to convince them, insulting them won't convince them and you may just lose a friend.

Next up, would be the Straw man. This is to exaggerate someone else's argument or distort in some form or manner. For example, John might say to his son,” eat your greens it'll make you healthy”, and in return his son says,” so you want me to choke and die from eating them?” John's son is distorting John's argument, and thus is a straw man. Although, this style of arguing can be useful and helpful to simplify an argument, one should have care, especially less truth is loss in fiction.

The red herring, this is probably as common as the ad hominem. It's point is to change the topic to go to a stronger ground. For instance, Tom is losing the debate so he shouts to Bill, “Look there is fire truck behind you.” As Houdini was a master of escaping, so many people use this form of escape. With this tactic, they do so to find a stronger topic, or a way of retreat. Despite letting people retreat is something you should do always gracefully. Sometimes however, a route is necessary when dealing with those that will only keep coming back.

Although, these were just a few pitfalls in the art of debate, hopefully it will help you to be alert when others try these tactics on you, or maybe to yourself less you use low tactics. However, what is most important to remember is that when you debate with people, your trying to find what is right and not who is right. Furthermore, always remember to have a cool head, as in the heat of the moment, hasty words may be said, and later regretted in leisure.